A different kind of gift to give

With the upcoming holiday season, we spend so much time running around looking for the perfect gift. We spend so much time and money worrying and stressing about what we should purchase for so many people, we often forget the people we are closest to – our family.

 They put up with us everyday. Deal with our moods, our bad attitudes, listen to us vent, cry with us, commiserate with us, help us up when we fall, and, are too often taken for granted.

 As I sat with my family on Thanksgiving, I looked around me and I realized something I hadn’t  given any thought to. For as much as we get along, we can really say some mean things to one another. Granted, it is done mostly in jest, however, anyone else sitting at the table would have probably taken offense to some (ok, MOST) of what was said. Here we had so much to be grateful for: we were together, we were healthy, we had plenty to eat, and best of all: my nephew was able to be with us! Yet, we certainly found it in ourselves to harass one another. Little comments and jabs about each other and our lives.

 My parents have been together for 45 years! Now that is an accomplishment! Certainly not something to be taken lightly, but as I noticed their interaction, I realized, they say some pretty mean things to one another. As do my brothers and their significant others. When did this start? Why haven’t I noticed it before? How long has this been going on? How guilty am I of the same crime? Then I realized I, too, have been guilty of the same behaviors. It wasn’t on purpose, but I have “teased” my family, and children, in the same hurtful manner. Certainly not an inherent trait, but, rather, a learned behavior that I picked up through the years.

 I remember some of the things my father said to me when I was younger – they truly hurt – and I swore I would never do that to my children. Here I was, years later, and to my surprise I was no better than my father, I was just as guilty. I vowed, then and there, to be more choosey in how I spoke to my children and my family.

 This Christmas, if you really want to give a special gift, give respect. Treat your family and your children with courtesy, respect, and love. It doesn’t cost anything and too often they get lost in the shuffle of the season. Sometimes all they want is to be appreciated and told they are loved. How many times has someone tried to make an effort to be nice? Only to be berated for their effort. I know it is hard. You work all day with difficult people whom you have to be nice to and the last thing you want to do is come home and deal with a messy house and be grateful to be there. Sometimes all you want to do is crawl under the covers and just make everything go away.

 But think of your kids. How do they feel? How did you feel when your parents came home from work. All you wanted to do was see them and all they wanted to do was get away from everything, including you? How did you feel? Are you doing the same to your children? How does that make them feel?

 Take a moment, give your kids a hug, tell them you love them, ask about their day – make them feel important, if just for a moment. Maybe you cannot afford the newest toy, but you cannot afford to ignore them. I could cite studies and such, but why? Talk to your children, have debates. Explain your views and have them explain theirs. There is nothing more important than communication between parents and children, they will appreciate you for taking the time to include them in your life and allowing them to include you in theirs. It is a gift that will not only prevent future problems but will open the doors between you and them and it lasts a lifetime!